i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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