i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
