Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
