Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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