did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
