Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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