I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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