so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
