you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
