my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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