At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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