Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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