Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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