I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
