he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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