She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
