you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
