I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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