He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
