dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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