New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
