You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
