It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
