The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My ass is underappreciated
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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