After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
