you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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