I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
