im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
