I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
