Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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