OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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