He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
