Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
