so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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