she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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