So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
