Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
