I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
