did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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