fuck your aforementioned shoe
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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