Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
