nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't put those talents on a resume
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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