Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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