Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
