Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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