I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
