is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
