; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
