Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
