I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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