Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He felt like a one man threesome
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
